Daily Prompt Posts · Lifestyle

Trying to Develop a New Me

Create

My blog is all about me finding my voice and working on coming out of this Fort-Knox shell I have built to protect myself. So, in a sense, I am trying to create a new lifestyle and create a new me.

A life where 90% of the time I am happy, not the other way around. And by creating a new me, I won’t be anxious, paranoid, and depressed. A “me” is no longer afraid of her emotions and afraid to get close to others or express how I feel.

Daily Prompt Posts · Lifestyle

Finding Happiness within Me

via Daily Prompt: Puncture

Puncture is defined as a small hole in a tire that results in the escaping of air.

I’m all for metaphors…

In this post think of my anxiety and depression as the tire.

I am starting to feel myself pull away from how I used to be and away from being dependent on others for my happiness. I am finding myself and finding my passion. I am learning that

I am learning that I enjoy being independent, but being independent doesn’t mean alone. I love my internship and I love working. I am feeling myself develop and grow and this is only my third day.

I feel like I’m slowly starting to branch out and my walls are slowly going down. I can’t wait to go through summer and see how much I develop personally and professionally.

Daily Prompt Posts · Lifestyle

Taking time off…

via Daily Prompt: Taper

I am finally home and feels like it has been forever since I have posted (only 3 days). I am happy to have time off from the track, so the word of the day is very fitting.

Tapering can mean to diminish or to gradually narrow. I am scaling back my hours spent on the track and taking a break. I also started my internship yesterday and absolutely LOVE it.

It feels like a new beginning and a fresh start, one step closer to becoming an independent business woman.

Lifestyle

Feeling Stuck…

Ever sit and wonder how you got to where you are in life. Why are you there, will things get better, why do I feel the way I feel?

About 90% of the time, this is how I feel. Alone, desperate, afraid.

Feeling co-dependent with someone, relying on them for happiness. Well, news flash. You will ALWAYS be disappointed. Which is where I am in life.

Living out of fear, frustration, and aggravation.

It’s crazy because to everyone else I am this happy, smart, athletic person who is seemingly good at most things I am doing in life.

Well, they aren’t completely wrong…I am good at lying.

Lying about how I really feel, lying to others especially, but sometimes to myself.

I am good at pretending and faking.

I pretend that everything is okay, that I am okay. Well, 8/10 I am not okay.

My mother can see that something is wrong and that her youngest daughter is not the same anymore.

I appreciate her noticing, but I’m afraid to be open about everything that is going on in my life.

  1. I don’t want to deal with pity questions and people feeling sorry for me.
  2. I don’t want to worry my parents, my mom especially.
  3. I know that something has to change in life and I am simply just afraid.

I can’t wait to start becoming more independent and having responsibility. I must learn to love myself again and to always do what’s best for me. Because I cannot expect others to put me in front of themselves, it’s time for me to start becoming selfish and doing me.

The way I see it, I can’t feel stuck if I hit the reset button and focus on me. I want to love myself so I won’t have to rely on someone else’s love to help me feel worth it.

 

 

Lifestyle

Insert Title Here…

I thought of so many different ways to start this first post and what to even say…but, what I’ve learned over my 20 years of life is that 99% of the time, honesty is the best policy. Now, before you click away..understand that the 1% that I am referring to is when you are meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s mom for the first time and she asks, “do you like ______?”. Then, and only then, is it absolutely acceptable to lie.¬†JK…

Everyone needs an outlet in life, writing brings me that…

But, really. I am not sure how to even start other than saying I have wanted to start up a blog for a while now and recently turning 20 called for a new chapter in my life. A little bit about me: I am a student-athlete at OSU and the last couple of years have been filled with blessings, but I’ve also struggled with balancing life and trying to find out who I am. One thing that I did learn is that writing is something I am very passionate about. I truly believe that everyone needs an outlet in life, something that brings them joy and or relief, comfort on hard days, writing is my outlet. It is hard for me to be open and vulnerable, so for now, anonymity is my best route. However, I plan to share about the typical collegiate athlete lifestyle and make things as personal and intimate as possible. I know that some day I will feel comfortable enough to share my story, but step one was putting myself out there.