Ever sit and wonder how you got to where you are in life. Why are you there, will things get better, why do I feel the way I feel?
About 90% of the time, this is how I feel. Alone, desperate, afraid.
Feeling co-dependent with someone, relying on them for happiness. Well, news flash. You will ALWAYS be disappointed. Which is where I am in life.
Living out of fear, frustration, and aggravation.
It’s crazy because to everyone else I am this happy, smart, athletic person who is seemingly good at most things I am doing in life.
Well, they aren’t completely wrong…I am good at lying.
Lying about how I really feel, lying to others especially, but sometimes to myself.
I am good at pretending and faking.
I pretend that everything is okay, that I am okay. Well, 8/10 I am not okay.
My mother can see that something is wrong and that her youngest daughter is not the same anymore.
I appreciate her noticing, but I’m afraid to be open about everything that is going on in my life.
- I don’t want to deal with pity questions and people feeling sorry for me.
- I don’t want to worry my parents, my mom especially.
- I know that something has to change in life and I am simply just afraid.
I can’t wait to start becoming more independent and having responsibility. I must learn to love myself again and to always do what’s best for me. Because I cannot expect others to put me in front of themselves, it’s time for me to start becoming selfish and doing me.
The way I see it, I can’t feel stuck if I hit the reset button and focus on me. I want to love myself so I won’t have to rely on someone else’s love to help me feel worth it.